chipped teeth led me to wonder why everyone didn’t smile like me as a child
baring my lopsided joy at the world like if it turned out its muddy pockets i’d find only glitter
you will no doubt hear sighing from the woeful little angel assigned to me when she remembers
and she’ll tell you how nobody could change my mind when i settled on pink walls
pink pink pink light dusty fading cottony billowing sweetheart seashell rose-pink
i haven’t spoken to my reticent guardian in a while i’m not a child anymore
and maybe if you got me alone and poured me something i would tell you the real reason
sometimes i wish i could grasp her slender fingers and tug them down from the cosmos
immerse her in the sticky summers she watched me bemoan at age eight
make her trace the wildflower patterns on my bedroom walls
let her taste the first lips that ever met mine the sweet ones that wanted nothing
and then the ones that wanted everything that kissed to injure
let her see for herself how it felt when the constellations inside my body pulled apart like wool
sometimes i hope she has left me
i fear looking up to her aura and finding clouds of cigarette smoke or just subway fumes
mostly i am overcome with the childlike urge to hide when i consider all she has seen
i don’t want to fashion clothes from foliage but i will try and try to purge the apple
