SIX METAPHORS FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION

1:
The flowers rot on the windowsill.

I never expected to be the person who needed

 

reassurance that they are loved, but it terrifies me

to think about waking up

 

without the stench of decaying

roses. I am too afraid to ask for new ones.

 

2:
I want to believe that there is a place

robots go to pray; they are the only ones with proof

that there is a maker.

 

3:
Last week, I discovered that I am allergic

to kiwi and my antidepressants

are likely to have a fatal interaction

with over-the-counter allergy medications.

 

4:
On good days, I do not pray

because I have nothing to say to God.

 

On bad days, I build a shrine

in the corner of my bedroom

and pray there is no afterlife,

because that just sounds exhausting.

 

5:
I bake little cakes from a box mix and the smell

of chocolate mingles with the fetid roses.

I stick my head all the way into the oven

to make sure they are cooked through.

 

6:
A friend comes to see how I am doing.

I offer her cake, say, “I’m still alive.” I wait

for her to take a bite. She tells me,

“These taste heavenly.”